Imma Black Widow Baby

Saturday, September 27, 2014

I have never been one to be that afraid of spiders. Granted, if one lands on me, or runs up my arm at 60 mph I am going to freak out and run into the bathroom screaming as I tear my clothes off and slap myself... but if I see a spider walking on the sidewalk, or across my carpet, or on my wall, or even in a web in the corner of my house I am not going to flip out. I'll just squish it. Problem solved.

However, there is one exception to this rule. 

Black Widows. 
Oh Hiiii Spawn of Satan

I am a pretty loving person and I wouldn't say I am a hater... but black widows... I really do hate them. What part of a sleek black, huge, and round spider body with a blood red hour glass is there to love? Especially because the monster is 10 times more poisonous than a rattle snake. 

I mean lets get real here. This thing is no bigger than my thumb nail and it could kill me with one bite. 

How can you love that?? 

I don't know why I felt the need to justify my hate of a black widow... but there ya go. 


About a month ago I noticed these small cream colored spiderlings all over my house. Seriously they were everywhere. I found them in all the corners of our house, in the kitchen in the living room, in the family room, in the hall way... you name it. I started squishing them when I saw them, but there were always more that took the place of those I killed. I took a closer look at these baby spiders and noticed that they looked just like black widows but were obviously the wrong color. But their lakes and hour glass bodies were IDENTICAL to a black widow.

 I looked up online what a baby black widow looked like and much to my dismay they looked JUST like the baby spiders I had been finding in my house. 

"Ash... I think our house is full of baby black widows" I told him. 

Ash is seriously the strongest, manliest man I know... There really isn't a more manly person alive...but when it comes to spiders he definitely is the bigger baby of us two! So you can imagine how unhappy he was knowing his home--his safe haven--could potentially be overrun with one of the most poisonous spiders in the United States. 

After researching a bit more I learned that baby and adolescent black widows are harmless (HALLELUJAH!). But babies can grow into adult black widows pretty fast and those are NOT harmless so I needed to find out what type of spider this was before all these babies started growing up then invading my home and bringing their potential poison with them. 

I decided the next step we should take is to go outside at night. Black widows are nocturnal so we could examine all the webs outside and see if we could spot black widows in them. 

A couple nights later, after we purchased some spider spray, we went outside with a flashlight to check the webs. The outside of our home was COVERED in webs. Every place a spider could make a web... they did. I don't think I have ever seen so many webs in my life. Every window-infested. Every corner-infested. Every cubby hole-infested. 

And that wasn't even the bad part. 

EVERY SINGLE WEB we came upon had a black widow sitting smack dab in the middle of it. 

Whoever said "It could be worse" obviously didn't know about my spider situation... BECAUSE THIS COULD NOT GET WORSE!!

I counted 50 spiders before I stopped counting. Oh and guess what else we found smack dab in the middle of a web? An egg sac. Which to our eternal gratitude had started to hatch right as we discovered it so we were able to save ourselves from potentially hundreds of more spiders.

 By the time we finished spraying the outside of the house and moved to the garage I was officially the worlds most jumpy, itchy, arachnophobic. I truly thought I was at my lowest point...

Then we entered the garage. We found BIG black widows in every corner, every window sill was covered in babies... I turned around to walk towards our storage room when I discovered babies dropping from the garage ceiling from webs ONTO ME. I started screaming while simultaneously slapping myself  all over as I ran into the house.

"They cannot hurt me... they are babies..." I repeated to myself as I rocked in fetal position on the floor.

"I think you are safe, if they were on you, you probably killed them" I heard Ash tell me as he walked from the garage, into the house, and towards me. I was too scared to find it ironic that he was comforting me about spiders considering in the past I was the one comforting.

"THEY WERE DROPPING FROM THE CEILING!!" I exclaimed. "ASH THEY WERE DROPPING DOWN FROM THE CEILING!!" I still was in shock from what I had just seen. Really I spent the rest of the night in shock, feeling like I was covered in babies still. We decided to spray ASAP and we reassured each other that it would be okay and we would take care of our small pretty big huge GINORMOUS black widow problem.


2 Weeks Later:

I am happy to report that our home has been sprayed. YAY. Now all the black widows we do find are outside, and dead. THANK THE HEAVENS. Since we sprayed I have not found 1 bug/spider alive in my home. I think I officially am going to spray ever year because I feel 100 times safer in my own home than I did before.

Does anyone else find it funny that us humans who are like a billion times bigger than spiders feel SO MUCH better when we prevent spiders from entering our homes? I think we should be called "the biggest babies ever" instead of humans because honestly it is pathetic that huge/spiders are so scary!! I do have to give them props to being so creepy though, just don't be creeping at my house widows! #IWillPass
Black Widow I Found DEAD! HAHA!

Today I Am Grateful For Worms.

Thursday, September 18, 2014
Thank you God for worms. Yes, worms. I was looking out of my bedroom window this morning and noticed how pretty the green grass looked covered in the morning dew. I owe much of this beauty to those small worms who cultivate my soil all day and make it soft and healthy. Thank you for making them such hard little workers God, they remind me that my duties, no matter how small can make a pretty significant difference in a big way.

Thank you God for stinky diapers. I had to change a pretty bad one today. At first I couldn't get past the feeling that if I inhaled one more breath of those rotten egg fumes I may pass out in my own vomit, but then I looked down at my beautiful daughter, who was looking at me with her big eyes, blowing bubbles and smiling ever so big, and you know what I wanted... more stinky diapers because these special moments are fleeting and I could use some more of them, smell and all.

Thank you God for the endless amounts of laundry, the ceaseless dishes, the hungry mouths to feel, the floors to mop, and carpets to vacuum. I have found so much joy at the end of each day looking at my happy family and sometimes clean house and realizing how much I am relied on and how much service I can give. It makes me feel good to help people God, so thank you for pushing me to do that every day.

Thank you God for babies. Especially mine. I don't know how you were able to create a soul so loving, a body so chunky, a laugh so contagious, eyes so big and bright, fingers so dimpled, skin so soft, and a little body that is full of such happy energy... but I am grateful you did. And, God... thank you for giving her to me. I don't know how I could ever deserve such a blessing, but thank you for blessing me with it anyway. You sure love me don't you?

Thank you God for hubbies and leading me to mine. He is the perfect amount of silly, caring, and strong. He loves me so much, and tries so hard to be good for me and to me. God, he is so funny isn't he? He makes me laugh so hard. I love it. I love him. You obvious knew just what type of guy I needed because he tries every stubborn part of me and heals every broken piece of me all at once and at the end of the day I feel whole and better and more blessed because of him.

Thank you God for tiny clothes. I am looking at the cute blue bird sewn on the butt on my chubby babies pants and there really isn't anything cuter. Except for all the rest of her tiny clothes that I have to replace so quickly because she grows so fast... speaking of which...

Thank you God for time. Time for me to spend with my baby, family, and friends. Thank you that even though time passes much to fast, that it is there, and that I get to enjoy it. Thank you for the time you give me to try again and hopefully get it right this time. Thank you for the time you let pass when you don't answer my prayers right away. Thank you for taking time with me each night when I pray, I know you have a whole lot to do, but I appreciate you take time to listen to me.

Thank you God for imperfection. Thank you for making me notice mine... for helping me change what I can, and accept what I cannot. Thank you for surrounding me in imperfect people who teach me that imperfect isn't bad, its human and that we ALL truly, badly and consistently need you.

Thank you God that my toilet didn't overflow today. I know I shouldn't have stuck that extra clump of toilet paper in it. But I did because I was delusion and thought my toilet could handle it... Thanks for having my back and helping the water stop rising a hundredth of an inch below the rim because I really didn't want to deal with that this morning.

Thank you God for bad days. They make the good ones so much better. Thank you for making it possible for me to look back on my bad days and be grateful for them in a way that I never will understand. All I know is the bad has made me better, its made me grow and though I would never go back and relive some of those days, and I thankful for the person I have become because of them and with your help. Thank you for the opposition in my life that helps me find and experience true joy.

Thank you for giving my husband a good job so I can stay home with my baby, thank you for seasons in the weather and in life, thank you for doctors, for medicine, for good people, for families. Thank you for the good and the bad, the big and the small, for everything really.

Yes thank you for everything God. There are some days I struggle to say that but its true. Thank you for everything because your plan for me, for my family, for my friends, for ALL of us is so very perfect and crazy and hard all at once... but its so very beautiful too. So keep doing it God and I'll keep working on being grateful for it and together I think we will do just fine.    


Tuesday, September 9, 2014
I have often said that my life is a series of interesting events that make for some pretty exciting blog posts. In other words, the most random and honestly perfectly crazy things happen to me when I am going about doing very ordinary things.

Like last week for example.

I went to the dentist. It doesn't get much more ordinary than that. Except for the reason I was there was not very ordinary... at least I would truly hope it isn't ordinary to have 13 cavities. Yes I typed that correctly. THIRTEEN. Shoot me.

All joking aside, I really do have 13 cavities. I am trying to make myself feel better because most of them are small "spots" that could potentially turn worse so they are taking care of them early, but it is still considered a cavity on my dental record so I really am not doing myself any favors by justifying it. I CAN however blame someone else for the terrible news my dentist gave me.

"You just had a baby didn't you?"

"Yes. Yes I did! And I didn't come to the dentist once in that 9 month period."

"You probably should have come," was his reply.

"Yeaaaaahhhh... " I thought to myself. "I know that NOW."

Oh well we live and we learn right?

Well I learned that having a baby can do some serious damage to your teeth if you are not extra careful about taking care of them. Which I wasn't. I was sick... hungry all the time... I honestly couldn't tell you how many times I woke up at 2 am to make myself food because I was too hungry to sleep. SO considering THAT it makes sense that I have cavities, right? I hope so because honestly this is not me.

I was always that child who walked into the dentists office all bright eyed and bushy tailed, happy as a lark. Who opened her mouth wide as the dentist exclaimed, "Perfect teeth like always!" and passed me off with a perfectly spotless bill of health. Yes that is right, I NEVER had cavities, I NEVER had braces, I ALWAYS got a toy at the end of my appointments because I was the pearly white child. I had 2 cavities once... Just ONCE though, in 21 years.

So you can imagine my surprise when the dentist told me my mouth was worth over a thousand dollars. Dollars in the dentists pocket that is! I wanted to cry. But instead I tried to make myself feel better by apologizing with complete confusion as to how this could happen to the pearly white queen, then blaming my child for my misfortune.

It honestly couldn't get worse, could it?

That is what I thought. I mean I almost had a cavity on every tooth in my mouth, and I would have to come in 4 separate times to get the work done. This was not something I ever planned on experiencing.

Well it got worse.

I went in to have my first group of teeth corrected. He started numbing me and I would not go numb (I am used to this... I guess I have a high drug threshold). He decided to go for a second round and see if that would numb me.

ANNNDDD... IT TOTALLY DID! So that was good. But then he said, "Alright, open your mouth!"

ANNNDD... I COULDN'T! It was stuck shut. No matter how hard I tried to open it, I could not get it open more than half an inch. He massaged my jaw and told me to try again.


He then tried to open my mouth for me and it wouldn't budge. "I'll be back." about 20 minutes later he walked back in. He proceeded to tell me that he went and contacted the oral surgeon next door to ask him if he knew what had happened to my mouth. He told me I had something that he had never seen in his 30 years of dental work but that the oral surgeon had seen a few times called trismus. This lovely little word that sounds more like a holiday than a jaw disorder basically means that my jaw somehow had locked and would be stuck for at least the next 3 days and then after that through some jaw therapy I should be able to open it again at some point in the future.


To make matters worse, since I couldn't open my jaw, they were unable to do any dental work on me so I was sent home with an apology, some well wishes, a "I'll check on you tomorrow" and a VERY VERY numb face.

I always exaggerate things and prepare for the worst case scenario due to my anxiety, so I was pretty much preparing for the worse: I would probably go home and somehow get sick to my stomach and because I couldn't open my mouth I would asphyxiate my puke and die.

Thankfully that didn't happen. I actually healed VERY fast. Yes I had to mash up my food and shove it in the small gap in my mouth for a couple of days. Yes I couldn't talk much, and my jaw hurt. But I survived and I am proud to say that as of today I can open my mouth completely once again! YES.

The bad news is I still have 13 cavities, and I am now scared of numbing shots.

But I'll tough it out.

Besides it was a good learning experience.

Oh and P.S. Ladies if you get prego,... Please eat good, and brush your teeth RELIGIOUSLY. Your teeth with thank you. :)

How much I could open my mouth when I got home. Thankfully Harper was cute and gave me hugs and kisses

Trismus ^^^

I was so sad but trying to stay positive.