Ants (er... Spiders) In My Pants

Tuesday, April 8, 2014
My worse nightmare has come true. And to make matters worse, I did not even know it was my worse nightmare until it happened. In fact, I did not even know it could happen until it did. 

"It" being the most unexpected, traumatizing, creepy, and life altering event in my life.


There I was, it was just like any other morning. I had awoken with bad breath and a full bladder. I rolled out of bed to fix both of these problems. Due to the fact that I had, had 5 glasses of water right before bed, my blatter couldn't wait for me to brush my teeth. Thus, it took precedence as the #1 item on my to do list. Little did I know that if I had just held it a little longer... If I had just brushed my teeth first... Maybe, just maybe I could have spared myself from the nightmare that was about to ensue. 

But it was too late. 

I walked to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and proceeded to empty my "pouch" if you know what I mean.

I had been sitting there for just a couple seconds when I felt a thump on my... Er... Upper private area. I looked down to see A HUGE PENNY SIZED BLACK HAIRY FREAKING SPIDER running around on my completely nude lower region. 

I jumped up and started screaming bloody murder. By some miracle the devils minion fell from my body... Right into the toliet bowl. 




"That did not just happen," I muttered to myself. 

But, no. 

There he sat. 

Looking up at me with 6 beady little eyes. As if he was telling me, "yes little girl, it did. It did happen. Bwahahaha"  

Panting, with a racing heartbeat, I flushed the toliet and watched that evil, little 8 legged, horror spiral down into the earth below. 

May he never return. 


May he NOT rest in peace. 

I am not the same person I was before the "incident." How could I be? Every single tingle on my body... Every single time I need to make a stop of the restroom... Every single other thought... I remember. 

The girl who once could smash spiders with her bare hand, no longer exists. 

I accept defeat. 

Congratulations Mr. Spider, you have broken me. 

Say hello to your newest (and possibly worse-cased) aracnaphobic. 


  1. OH.MY.WORD. I would absolutely die. You poor thing...!!!!!!!!

    1. Haha I did die, it was horrible. It better not ever happen again!!

  2. ewww scary!!! sorry that happened to you!


    1. I am sorry too! I would not wish it on anyone!!

  3. Hilarious. Thank you.

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