What goes in, must come out!

Monday, March 24, 2014
I'm starting to officially adjust to motherhood...

I think.

I've learned that having a child means for the rest of your life, you'll be learning. Which, in my opinion, is pretty cool.

You also become a professional in many tasks. The most recent task I feel I have become pretty darn proficient in is diaper changing. This proficiency did however come at a cost. I have many stories related to changing a babies diaper, and when I say many, I truly mean MANY. But among these many, are a select few that stand out. I want to share with you my most recent diaper explosion experience.

The Restaurant Catastrophe: Me and Ash love to go out on dates. One of our favorite dates is going out to eat. Since Stwish was born (yes we affectionately call our child Stwish--a nickname that stemmed from the rolls of adorable chunk covering her legs*), she has joined us on most of our dates. This one was no exception.
*She likes to eat...

Now it is important to note that I have a fear of going out if Stwish has not yet done her number two of the day. This is because very often when Stwish goes number two... She REALLY goes, and it doesn't do a great job at staying in her diaper... Which is quite the process to clean up. 

So you can imagine my dismay when right in the middle of a bite of Chicken Alfredo I heard the unmistakable noise of Stwish unleashing her feces. I hurry and run her to the bathroom, to try and remove her clothes before the contents of her diaper escapes her diaper, but I was too late. They were already dripping down her leg, seeping through her pants. 

"It's okay, I've been through this before," I said to myself as I pulled off the now unwearable pants from my daughters body. I cleaned her up, feeling slightly sick to my stomach due to the fact that the bathroom did not exactly smell like a rose garden, and because of the warm poop that had just got on my hand as I tried to move the dirty diaper away from my now clean baby. 

I was almost finished! Phew. 

Then, just when I thought things couldn't get worse, a lady ran into the bathroom, pounding on the locked bathroom stalls (yes they were all occupied--except for a clogged one) declaring that she was going to throw up. 

This was not happening. 

I, being extremely petrified of the sounds and sights of watching someone puke, went into turbo mode and quickly re-diapered my baby.. Threw on her new clothes (I always carry a spare--thank heavens).. Closed my diaper bag.. And threw away the old diaper.. All while plugging my ears creatively with my shoulders.

I opened the bathroom door right as I heard the lovely sounds of someone losing their dinner begin. My appetite completely gone, I walked quickly back to my table, carting my half open-content-spilling diaper bag in one arm and my baby in the other. 

 As I approached the table, I was met with a big smile and "how did it go?" As Ash stuffed a big piece of steak his mouth and began to chew. 

"Please help me not to vomit" I silently prayed as I watched a bit of bloody steak juice creep from the corner of his mouth. Completely oblivious to what I had just gone through he proceeded eating as I sat down my stomach churning. 

"You have no idea what I just went through in there..." I said. 

"I think I'll get my food to go."

We asked for some to go boxes and exited the resturaunt. You can't imagine my relief when I was able to breath fresh air.

My only hope is that I never top this diaper explosion, on my top nastiest diaper experiences list. I am definitely fine with this staying n├║mero uno. 


  1. hahaha this story is awesome!! I love it!

    1. Thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it! I had fun writing it. Let's just say writing it was a lot funner than experiencing it! :)

  2. My youngest daughter was explosive pooper as well, ha ha. Ah, the joys of parenting!

    1. Yes, parenting sure has a lot of these fun (and messy) moments! Glad to hear there are other babies out there that were as explosive as mine!

  3. So let me just say I've never experienced this whole exploding diaper situation as I have no babies, but as soon as I read that thing about the lady throwing up I started freaking out because I, too, am petrified of people vomiting. I never would have thought you, the insect terminator, would share this fear with me but it makes me feel a little less lonely in the world of fears (if that's even a thing?). Thanks for sharing :)