That's what I've been asking myself as I try to put into words my feelings.
I've realized that I never will be able to adequately describe my thoughs. All I can do is my best, because a poorly written attempt at something so beautiful is better than no attempt at all.
So try and understand that I am only human, and have exactly 26 letters available as I try to somehow convey what it's like when heaven and earth meet.
• • • • • •
I know an angel.
Yes, I'm serious. I really do.
I always pictured angels as glorious beings draped in gorgeous pure white, unwrinkled, soft robes. They resided in a beautiful place called heaven, and unless I was one of the lucky ones to be visited by one while on earth, then I would not see one until I died and went to heaven.
Well... I was wrong about a couple things
1. Not all angels wear robes.
2. You don't need to die to get a glimpse of heaven.
Meet my angel:
The first time I saw her, she was a tiny little 5 pound ball of perfection. I could not believe that something so tiny could even exist. I in all my unworthiness was given charge over this precious little human, whose deep blue eyes looked up at me with total trust and love.
My little angel.
Fresh from heaven.
I have learned more from this tiny person who I call my daughter in 6 months than I've learn from anyone in my lifetime.
God sent me an angel when I least expected it.
I love every inch of that little face.
I love the way she laughs at my silly dances in the kitchen, and weird voices when I read her books.
I love the way she looks at me, differently than anyone else.
I love the late nights when she snuggles into me and falls asleep.
I love waking up to a huge smile and big slobbery kisses.
I love her little voice and the way she squeels at me to get my attention.
I love what she teaches me: to be selfless... To be kind... To smile... That I am loved... That sometimes you just gotta play and save the dishes for later... That snuggles are the best medicine... And it's always a good idea to take a bubble bath.
I love the way she makes me a better person every day.
I thank God every day for sending me my angel and trusting me with her. There's nothing else I'd rather be doing.
I used to believe that I would not see an angel until I went to heaven. But that's because I did not understand. I did not understand that the most beautiful of Gods angels are not the white, halo wearing, people you read about... They are the ones you get sick for and tired for... The ones you that you feel kick you from the inside... The ones that you labor to bring into the world and spend the rest of your life taking care of.
Gods most beautiful angels are the ones you create, who call you mommy.