Faith In God's Timing

Wednesday, July 10, 2013
    I cannot count the number of times I have found myself on my knees, asking God why.

Why did this have to happen to me?                                                    

          WHY?

Why does it hurt so bad?

Why do I have to suffer?
WHY?
Why do I feel so alone?

Why won't you take it away?

    WHY?
                                                WHY?

WHY?

    Thankfully, despite my fervent pleas, God doesn't always answer my prayers right away. People might think I am crazy for saying that. They may ask me, "How can you be grateful that God let you suffer?" They may wonder, "Wouldn't life be easier if you didn't have to go through this?" They may question my faith, "If you believed harder... if you prayed more... maybe your pain would be taken away." 

    It doesn't always work like that. 

    There is a bigger picture to life than I think we let ourselves see, ESPECIALLY when we are going through a hard trial. God doesn't delight in our pain, he doesn't feel joy when he sees his child struggle, and I personally believe that God wants so badly to remove our heartaches, sorrows, burdens and pain. But sometimes he doesn't. He sees a bigger picture, he knows what we can become, and he knows exactly what it takes for us to be like him. I am grateful for trials and pain, not because I enjoy them, but because I know that with each ache and each pain, God is shaping me to be like him. He loves me enough to allow me to go through hard things, He loves me enough to let me suffer, He loves me enough that he doesn't always give me what I want. 

    5 years ago my dad quit his job to start a business... which didn't end up falling into place like was planned. He quickly got a new job, and because of its location in Provo we moved to Highland, Utah. Soon after our move, for various reasons, he left his job. I began wondering why we had even moved for a job that didn't even exist anymore. We were left with a new house, in a new neighborhood, with a new school, and no income. For some reason though, this time around finding a job wasn't so easy. And so, for the past 5 years he has been trying to get another job. I remember that first year, feeling so angry. I was angry because I was scared. I was scared because I was selfish. I thought about all the things I couldn't do now, because we had to be careful with money. I almost resented my dad for "putting us through this." But, as the years past, I began to learn, and I began to grow. My fear turned into faith. The nights I used to stay up wondering what would come of us if my dad didn't get a job, turned into nights full of peace, knowing that sometime and somehow everything would work out. I remember the time, 3ish years into the job drought that my dad was offered a great position in Florida; a job that was everything you could hope for in a job. Great pay, great coworkers, beautiful area to live. He accepted the job, only a couple of days later to tell us that he didn't feel right about the job and had told them he wouldn't be taking it anymore. I did not understand. Everyone else in the family felt good about it, why didn't he? At the time, if I had my choice I would have made him accept the job, it made sense to me. Looking back I am grateful that God said no. Soon it became necessary for my mom to work. I know she faced many trials with the job she had, and at the end after all her hard work, she was treated poorly by the company. It made me sad to see my hard working mother get treated that way, especially when she didn't deserve it. It honestly felt like one bad thing just led to another. I know that everyone in my family at some point wondered if there would ever be an end to this trial. It seemed easy to ask why. Why did my dad get so many interviews, but no offers. Why wasn't my family getting blessed, we did everything right. We went to church, we prayed, we paid tithing. I can tell you from personal experience that it is easy to wonder when you are faced with a trial for such a long time. It is easy to worry. I am grateful for parents who taught me to have faith, to pray, to fast, to trust, and to not give up. 

    A couple days ago, 5 years after this all started my dad was offered a very good job. I often think about what my life would be like if all of this didn't happen. If I never moved to Highland, if I ended up moving to Florida, if my dad had got a job in the timing I would have liked him too. If all this were the case, my life would be extremely different. I would have never met Ash... I wouldn't be so close to my family... I wouldn't have as strong of faith... I would have missed out on so many of the experiences that have made me into the person I am today. 

     That is what I am trying to say. If God let me have the things I prayed for throughout those 5 years... I wouldn't have the things I needed. I am so grateful every day that God didn't take away my families trial. I am grateful for God's timing. I am grateful that God doesn't always answer our prayers right away. I am grateful that sometimes we have to wait. I am grateful for every disappointment, every heartache, and every pain that I have experienced because they have taught me lessons nothing else could have taught me, and they have made me into a person I couldn't have become any other way. 

 I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Fathers perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.
—Russell M. Nelson, “Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,” Ensign, Nov. 2005, 86  





Infestation

Saturday, July 6, 2013
    I have officially dubbed myself as the terminator. I know it is quite a title, but I have terminated enough freaky, nasty, crawly, things to justify giving myself the name.

    Let me start by saying that I am the designated small....fast moving....eight legged....creature killer in our home. This is due to the fact that Ash has an acute case of arachnophobia. I think it is safe to say that I might never see a worse case of arachnophobia. I don't blame him though, I would be probably be in the same boat as him if I did not grow up in a house where I killed spiders on a daily basis. Any arachnophobia I  coulda/shoulda/woulda developed was sucked out of me at an early age.

    I can now say that growing up surrounded in spiders and with brothers who loved to stick bugs down my shirt, was a blessing in disguise. Because now I not only make the hubbies life easier by making food, doing laundry and doing dishes; but I also can be called upon to kill the creatures! Just another reason he loves me. Yay for me :)

    Anyway I have been keeping track of my recent terminations... Mostly so I had something to blog about... and because in my heart of hearts, sharing my ability to kill creatures that make most people scream gives me a feeling of satisfaction.

(Oh and FYI... Ash is the manliest of all men, and anyone who gives him crap for being scared of spiders after reading this post can come over and I'll stick a spider down your shirt and see how well you handle it. Okay that's all... read on).

    Death Toll Count This Week:
     *notice: creature names courtesy of Natasha Craig who would rather make up something than do extensive research to find the correct name. Don't be hatin.        

The Red Chested Grey Butted Night Crawler:

Deaths: 5
Escapes: 0
Bites: 0

Status: As of July 5, 2013... TERMINATED



Freaky Long Legged Brown Thing:

Deaths: 2
Escapes: 2
Bites: Suspected

Status: As of July 5, 2013... CURRENTLY BEING HUNTED

The Laundry Creeper:

Deaths: 3
Escapes: 0
Bites: 0

Status: As of July 5, 2013... EXTINCT (until next load of laundry)











The One That Moves To Fast and Freaks Me Out: 

Deaths: 6.5 (most recent kill wouldn't die and was thrown away while its legs still were twitching)
Escapes: 0... with 2 Close Calls
Bites: 0... thank heavens

Status: As of July 5, 2013... HIGHLY SUSPECTED TO BE EVERYWHERE, MOST COMMON KILL





My Worse Nightmare:




Deaths: 2
Escapes: 0.. never on my watch will that happen.
Bites: 0

Status: EXTINCT ON A FAITH BASIS.. I pray every night that I am never graced with the presence of another one.


   
And there you go... Writing this has given me those tickles you get all over your body where it feels like you have bugs on you... so I must now go take a shower and hope that the towel I wrap around my body is creature free.





Things I Am Awkwardly NOT Good At

Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Going Through Drive-Thrus With Other People: For some reason I am fine when I am just ordering for myself... But when someone else is in the car... Say hello to the Natasha "the mute" Craig.

Urine Samples: I never realized how much of a problem I had with this until I had to give one every single doctors appointment. I'll spare the details, but sweet mercy, you would think I could perfect the art by now. Not so. 

Talking On The Phone: I find myself having way to many of those "soooo..." "well..." "um..." moments. 

Crying: I do not cry gracefully. I am what you would term a mess. I'm talking the full on swollen eyes, smeared makeup, hiccups, red, mess of a creature. 

Knowing When NOT To Laugh: Guys... For the sake of my poor soul, do NOT fart, burp, tell a joke, trip, sneeze crap out of your nose, run into something, etc when things are serious/quiet/to public/or any other situation where laughing wouldn't be appropriate, because I will lose it. And I won't stop... I just get worse. I can't control it. 

Telling Jokes: Punch lines are not my specialty. I get to excited with the thought of actually being funny... Then get ahead of myself... And pretty much what I'm saying is my jokes blow. 

Keeping Surprises From Ash: I always try and plan cute surprises for Ash and I can never keep them a secret. I get so excited that I have to tell someone and... It allllllll comes out. 

Approaching Strangers: This could be my biggest weakness. If people approach me, I am the friendliest person ever. But the thought of going up and approaching them gives me full on panic attacks. It's pitiful. 

Asking For Favors: I feel so bad doing this. I always end up asking for a favor then going into a huge explanation that "if it's to much of a hastle, don't worry" and "what can I do for you because really I feel bad having you do this and blah blah blah." This is most true for Ash. He finally just has to look me in the eyes and say, "LET ME SERVE YOU. It's okay!" 

Telling Stories: I have so many good stories, but verbally trying to express them, always turns into the biggest disaster, I try to explain way to much. You would think I would know that no one cares about what color so and so's shirt was... Or where the sun was at in the sky... 
Fact: I would do much better if I wrote everything on paper and then read it to people... 

Being Alone: I pull out the full safety measures. All doors locked... Phone ready to dial 911... Knife by the bed side... You name it, I've got it set up. 

Swollowing Pills: Don't ask me to do it, it is impossible. Don't tell me it is possible, its not, I've tried. I have gagged more times in one sitting trying to swollow a pill, than most people do in a life time. 

 Road Rage: I am way to nice on the road. You know when traffic gets really heavy and people are trying to merge? Well I am the person who backs up traffic cuz I let EVERYone merge in. I'm sorry! I really am... But I feel so bad for them!