Monsters Inside Me

Thursday, May 23, 2013
    When I was around five years old, I would lay in the hallway "sneak" watching the television, when technically I was supposed to be in bed. I found out early in life that if I just waited long enough for all the lights to go off and my siblings to fade into dream land, I could stick my head out of the bedroom and look straight down the hall into the living room, while my dad watched his nightly TV. Then, when I saw him get up to turn it off, I would RUN as fast as I could into my bed and pretend to be asleep as he came and checked on us. I did this a LOT. Oops.

     One night when I was once again playing "sneaky Tash," I found myself laying down enjoying the various shows on TV, when to my surprised my dad turned to the freaking scariest movie I have ever seen in my whole life. I honestly don't think anything has ever freaked my out as much as that  movie, and LOTS and LOTS of things freak me out. This movie was about this guy who had HUGE BEETLES crawling under his skin. Yeah I know. I remember vividly it showing a beetle crawling down his arm, under his skin that ate itself out of his hand. Eww eww ewwwww.

     I think the area of life that this had the biggest impact on was childbirth. I know that sounds weird, so let me explain. Even since I was little, there was always a baby in the family, or on the way. So I always got to feel my little siblings move around inside my moms belly. This always scared me a little bit, not because I didn't like feeling the babies kick my hand, but more because I had the realization that one day I would have a child and it was going to move inside of me. Whenever I thought about being a mom, I couldn't help but see that beetle crawling up the guys arm. And I felt horrible about it!

    Well, as you guys all know, Natasha Craig is expecting a little baby Craig soon and I'll admit, I was kinda scared about the first time I would feel it move. Because, I couldn't see myself excited to feel something move inside of me! But, I was pleasantly surprised when I felt the first kick from my little baby. I did not feel even an ounce of fear rush into my body, instead it was this incredible rush of love that entered my soul! 

Now, if I don't feel my baby moving constantly I freak out a bit! I can't count how many times I have tapped on my belly saying, "Baby Craig? You there? Wake up Baby Craig!" And the wonderful little kick I get in return is the least scary, most special, most spiritual and comforting realization that I have a special, beautiful, little person inside me that I get to call my very own. :) 

For My Mother

Sunday, May 12, 2013
    You know what Mom?

    They all told you that you could have been a teacher, with your gift of language, and way with words. They all told you that you could have been a musician; no one made the piano sing like you did. They all told you that you could have got a masters, doctorate and PhD'; brains like yours don't come to everyone. They all told you that you could change the world with the way you share service and organize events. They all told you that you could write novels that would hit the New York Times best sellers list. They all told you that you could travel the world, meeting people and seeing sights very few people are privileged to see.

    And you could have.

    But you didn't.

    You just looked back at them and with a firm resolution in your eyes (and faith in your heart) you pushed away all those dreams and told them, "I'm going to be a mother."

    And they laughed.

    They laughed at the thought that someone so beautiful and so wise would give up so much to stay up late with a sick child, to never wear a clean shirt again, to have messy hair and tired eyes, and premature wrinkles, and worn hands.

    But you let them laugh.

    Because you knew.

    You knew that there was something more to life than meeting presidents and hosting grand events. You knew that singing lullaby's meant more than watching opera's and holding a hand was worth more than holding a trophy. 

    But there was something you didn't know.

    Not then.

    But I knew it, I know it still, and I'll always be reminded of it, no matter how old I get or where I live. And as crazy as it sounds that I, some silly girl who has only been on earth 18 years might know more than this smart, amazing woman who I call mother doesn't make much sense. 

    But its true.

    I know something you didn't know when you told the world no. 

    I knew that at that moment when you gave up so much to do such a hard and lowly thing as "dare be a mother", up in heaven a little girl rejoiced. Because she didn't need to worry about coming to earth anymore. God found her someone who would keep her safe, and bring her back to him. He found this girl someone who would love her so much that she would give her life for her if it was necessary.

    But that is not all.

    You know what else you didn't know?

    You didn't know that there would be sleepless nights when you would have to engaged all your strength to keep your eyes open so you could hold a shaking child who just had a bad dream. You didn't know you might have to go without that piece of pie, so my tummy would be filled. You didn't know that you would watch me fail again and again, not knowing how to help me. You didn't know you would suffer with me through every mistake. You didn't know that with every tear you wiped, every hug you gave, and every word you whispered that you would be shaping me, molding me, and teaching me.

    But above all. You didn't know that you really didn't give up all your dreams like they said you did. Because you are a teacher and I speak, read, and write because of you. You are a musician, the reason music rings through every fiber of my soul. You write a novel, with every story you told me. You have a masters, doctorate, and PhD in what matters in life. You have traveled the world fighting dragons, conquering cities, and saving lives with me. You did organize countless events and activities and thousands benefited. You might not have changed THE world, but you changed MY world, by giving me all the love, dedication and lessons I would ever need to be happy. 

    So while they may laugh at the choice you made so long ago. You can stand with your head held high. Because they might not know it. But you, me, and God know that you not only did all those things they said you would not do if you became a mother, but you did more.

    To be the daughter of such an amazing woman is the biggest blessing of my life. I will forever be indebted to you for giving me life and every opportunity in life.

    Thank you for being so strong and knowing your divine calling in a world that laughed.

    You are my hero and my example. I love you with all my heart.